I’ll never forget that day when I hid in a church bathroom for an hour and cried.
It seems kind of ridiculous looking back, but at the time, it really affected me.
See, it was my first time leading a small group. I was so excited to be with girls who wanted to learn more about Jesus (and I was happy to teach them). It was our third night meeting together and the time came for the students to find their group leaders and head off into their separate rooms.
Except none of my girls showed up. Not a single one.
For whatever reason, it completely set off my anxiety. Not wanting to be shamed as a “unwanted” group leader, I hid in a bathroom for an hour. I couldn’t leave (my then boyfriend, now husband, was in charge of leading the student small groups, so they would notice if his girlfriend suddenly went home), but I didn’t want others to know that I was THAT bad of a group leader that nobody showed up, so I hid.
And I sobbed. Over and over again.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t led a group since, in any capacity. Many times, it’s because circumstances haven’t really allowed for it. But other times, if I’m honest with myself, I’m a little scared to relive that again.
And I know that’s the enemy whispering in my ear.
That’s not Jesus.
Because I have a passion to teach people about Jesus. I love connecting the dots of scripture and helping others grow in their knowledge of Christ. And I love teaching people about transparency and authenticity and showing them the TRUE way of Christ (not this “only perfect people go to Heaven” gospel that often get preached, but the REAL gospel that saves imperfect people like you and me).
I love teaching people.
It’s why I blog.
But every now and then, that voice whispers in my ear and says “nobody cares what you think“.
“Nobody wants to hear from you“.
“You’re not interesting enough“.
“You know nothing“.
The truth is that I, unfortunately, am not Matt Chandler. I’m not John Piper. I’m not John MacArthur. I’m not Beth Moore, nor am I Jen Wilkin. I am nobody.
And God is 100% okay with that.
If we listen to our fears, they will cripple us and we will never step in faith to do the work of God.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
God has prepared us to do good works! He has predestined it! And nobody can usurp the will of God.
It doesn’t mean we will never have bad days. It doesn’t mean we are shielded from disappointment or hurt, but what it does mean is that God prepared us for good works and we can be confident that, if we remain in Him and seek His will, He will use us!
We don’t have to hide in church bathrooms.
The Creator of the universe has our back.